Less Starin’, More Sharin’
Students often complain that U of T is cold or impersonal. Making it otherwise is up to us
Comments (13) 
People are afraid to talk to each other around campus because they feel they’ll be rejected, when really, I’ve found the exact opposite to be true. Most people are highly willing to talk—in fact are relieved to.
Granted, it’s easier to “meet” people. But what if you’re looking for the kind of relationship that lasts into the next day and beyond the walls of a nightclub? The campus itself seems to be a last resort. People from residences get together from time to time − the chess club has its weekly meeting − but the scope of social activities is small. Living in residence, I’ve found that a lot of people hang out almost exclusively with the friends they met in the first week of school. While at dinner the other night, I looked at the man sitting beside me with the intention of starting a conversation. But as I made eye contact, he looked down at his plate and didn’t look up until I had looked back at mine. My sense is that many people are afraid to talk to each other in classes or around the campus because they feel they might get rejected. But when I’ve actually started a conversation, I’ve often found the exact opposite to be true. Most people are highly willing to talk – in fact, are relieved to do so.
I spent my first year-and-a-half at U of T sitting in the back of the class, thinking: “No matter what I say or how I introduce myself, no one here wants to talk to me.” I’m reasonably certain I’m not the only one who’s felt this way, so I’ve been wondering what we can do to create a campus that’s a good place to meet fellow students – a place where all students feel they have a sense of ownership. I’d like us to create a place that’s not just a spot for serendipitous encounters or an institutional playground for young adults as they prepare for life in the “real world,” but a meeting place. A real social network. We all pay fees to be here. We all have the right to make use of the services provided. And we could all benefit from being more open and friendly with each other.
So how can we, as students, get closer to this goal? I don’t think a new building for students is the answer. People call Hart House a “student centre,” but it’s really just a collection of rooms and services that students are allowed to use. What I’m talking about is a fundamental change in attitude among students toward their experience here. Instead of viewing fellow students primarily as “engineering students,” or members of this or that social group, we should see each other first as humans who enjoy social contact and making meaningful connections. Each of us faces our own challenges and difficulties as we strive to finish our degree. Simply talking to the people around us on campus is a good start. I’d also suggest creating more events for the entire campus to participate in − not just an “Innis pub night” or a “Woodsworth boat party.” The university is made up of many small communities (residences, faculties, buildings) that we need to bring together if we are to make progress as an entire campus.
A friend told me recently that he’d attended a concert by John Lydon (formerly Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols) and his band, Public Image Ltd. By my friend’s account, Lydon looked out into the mostly boisterous crowd at one point and noticed a group of people standing still. Lydon stopped playing and yelled “Hey there! How ‘bout you do a little less starin’ and a little more sharin’?”
U of T students could do a lot worse than to take up Lydon’s challenge
Andrew Murphy is a third-year English student at U of T
Reader Comments
I agree with you. People need to open up more. Being in the same class, I am sure they have stuff to talk about.
Amen!
FINALLY! School is so intimidating. Even as a third-year student, I rarely sit beside anyone. and can easily go the whole day without talking. I’m not a shy person either.
Agreed. Where do we start?
My dream has always been to have a little organization on the campus that shows willingness to interact through some sort of physical symbol. We already wear many different ones, why not one that’s more collectively recognized?
It is difficult though, to co-ordinate a campus of this size and I guess that’s why the physical symbol idea is important to me, because it spans across colleges, programs, music tastes, etc and is easily recognizable.
That’s my suggestion, but I’m sure everyone who posted and anyone who will post has their own ideas, and I’d love to hear them!
Thanks for the comments,
Andrew
Co-ordination is difficult – but the challenge is attractive.
… just overlook my dash in coordination.
U of T needs a sense of shared experience before people will interact more – as well as a kind of common vernacular and social etiquette. With 3 campuses, umpteen faculties, 40 thousand campus publications (do I exaggerate?), that is difficult if not impossible. The fact that all students experience ‘diversity’ here doesn’t count either – that’s a copout (diversity in fact also leads to alienation, but I’m not allowed to say that). If you want to see how a school creates a sense of shared experience, visit Queen’s or Guelph. Maybe U of T’s shared experience could start by addressing how alienating it is to work and study there – this article gets the ball rolling, thanks! Poke a little bit more fun at yourselves, and discover a world outside the library. ON a side note it’s sad to read (from Twitter feeds at least) so many U of T students’ most memorable experiences and favourite buildings revolves around a library – the one place you’re not allowed to talk.
I agree, sometimes it can be so dead here! I think students need to take the initiative to get involved on campus instead of waiting for others to come to them. Many students use clubbing as a way to meet people and to have so called “fun”. When really you can have fun right on campus if people are willing!
I think it’s funny when people say their most memorable experience and favourite buildings revolves around a library like God it’s lonely here mentioned. Oh, heaven forbid! Please don’t let it be so!
I’ll be starting a student group on campus……let’s see where that takes us shall we? XD
I read Andrew Murphy’s column and recalled the days when I was an undergraduate at U of T. Looking back, I wish I made more lasting connections when I had the chance. Somebody once told me (after I graduated) that the most important thing that you pick up at university is your friends — you will lean on them for the rest of your life. So Murphy is spot on when he says students need to be more confident to meet new faces and make the university experience fun.
Since graduating I’ve picked up a talent for befriending new people. Some of this confidence comes with age, but a lot can be fostered by the university. I know this because I served as an assistant master (akin to an assistant dean) at Princeton when I was a graduate student. At Princeton I was surprised by how many students would stop me and thank me because I had once joined them for a meal when they were alone in the cafeteria, or said hi to them on campus.
These were simple gestures, yet they meant so much because everybody comes into university nervous and yearning for kinship. The one lesson in life I’ve learned is this: Small gestures often bloom into great outcomes, so smile and be friendly.
Kai L. Chan
BA 1999 Trinity
New York City
Interesting experiment happening at Columbia U – paying students to talk to each other: http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2010/11/18/experiment
I agree, U of T has the tendency to make you just a number — a nine-digit student number — and making friends can be very difficult at times. In my first year, I felt that U of T had cheated me into massive class sizes, zero interaction and a non-stimulating environment. I abhorred Con Hall with all my might.
By my third year, my sentiments for this place had really changed. It’s all about finding your niche, as difficult as that might be. It took me what seems like a lifetime to come to terms with the education I was paying so much for.
Now, as an upper year student, I help students like myself adjust. I’m part of Active Minds. (Find us on Facebook.) We’re holding our first coffee house on November 30th from 5:30-7:30pm at the Cumberland House, 33 Saint George Street. Not to spam or anything, but if you think making friends is hard at U of T, you’ve got to make some effort.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Active-Minds-at-University-of-Toronto/103460799722861?v=app_2373072738&ref=ts#!
I’m David, the Alumni Secretary for the university’s main francophone cultural club, EFUT. EFUT is open to everyone, regardless of level of French. I’m proud to have been a member of EFUT for over 3 years and have found how wide-reaching and welcoming it has been to non-francophones and francophones alike. Its members include those in residences and outside of them. Before EFUT, it’d been hard for me to really get to know people well. EFUT brings people together, and this is what makes this club very special indeed.